“Dad, I’m hungry.”
Hello Hungry, I’m dad.”
My wife is on a tropical fruit diet. It’s enough to make a mango crazy.
Can February March?
No, but April May…
Did you hear about the French cheese factory that exploded?
There wasn’t much left but de brie.
If prisoners could take their own mugshots, they would be called ‘cellfies’.
What do you do when you get cold?
Stand in the corner; it’s usually 90 degrees.
How much does a hipster dad weigh?
I broke my finger today. But, on the other hand, I am completely fine.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for the fresh prints.
What’s Forrest Gump’s email password?
Did you hear about the dad who invented knock-knock jokes?
He won the ‘No Bell’ prize.
Did you know a cemetery is the dead centre of town?
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
Whenever I want to start eating healthy, a chocolate bar looks at me and Snickers.
Want to hear a joke about paper?
Never mind, it’s tearable.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl doing his business in the toilet?
Because the pee is silent.
And here’s an original that C2 cracked the other day.
The kids asked for a lunch order from the school canteen. The Winter Warmer has been beef pies for the past three months (winter in AU).
But now that it is Spring, we were wondering what the new Special would be.
C2 said, “I vote for Spring Rolls because we have rolled into Spring. Get it, mum?”
You know what they say, like father, like son.
(* I’ve used Fathers’ Day with the apostrophe after the S to include all fathers, not just my father. Read more about it here.)
How did you celebrate Fathers’ Day today? What sort of dad do/did you have: intellectual/hands-on/funny/taciturn?