Dad Jokes

fathers day
It’s Fathers’* Day here in Australia and what better way to celebrate than with some Dad Jokes – so groan-inducingly bad, they’re good! 😉

“Dad, I’m hungry.”
Hello Hungry, I’m dad.”

My wife is on a tropical fruit diet. It’s enough to make a mango crazy.

Can February March?
No, but April May…

Did you hear about the French cheese factory that exploded?
There wasn’t much left but de brie.

If prisoners could take their own mugshots, they would be called ‘cellfies’.

What do you do when you get cold?
Stand in the corner; it’s usually 90 degrees.

How much does a hipster dad weigh?
An Instagram.

I broke my finger today. But, on the other hand, I am completely fine.

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for the fresh prints.

What’s Forrest Gump’s email password?

Did you hear about the dad who invented knock-knock jokes?
He won the ‘No Bell’ prize.

Did you know a cemetery is the dead centre of town?

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.

Whenever I want to start eating healthy, a chocolate bar looks at me and Snickers.

Want to hear a joke about paper?
Never mind, it’s tearable.

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl doing his business in the toilet?
Because the pee is silent.

And here’s an original that C2 cracked the other day.
The kids asked for a lunch order from the school canteen. The Winter Warmer has been beef pies for the past three months (winter in AU).
But now that it is Spring, we were wondering what the new Special would be.
C2 said, “I vote for Spring Rolls because we have rolled into Spring. Get it, mum?”

You know what they say, like father, like son.

(* I’ve used Fathers’ Day with the apostrophe after the S to include all fathers, not just my father. Read more about it here.)

How did you celebrate Fathers’ Day today? What sort of dad do/did you have: intellectual/hands-on/funny/taciturn?


6 responses to “Dad Jokes

  1. Love the Jokes and the Dad. This Father’s Day
    is tinged with sadness for us because it is the
    first time my father has not been with us to
    celebrate. He passed away last Dec 2014.
    Usually we would have a big family
    occassion in his beautiful home and garden
    In Wahroonga. Grandpa had a great sense of humour and loved regaling the grandchildren with hilarious stories of his childhood. This year we are having a quiet family dinner with my husband who is more of an intellectual. We also saw the musical ” Matilda” about a gifted intellectual child who stands up to her cruel headmistress. It was lots of fun!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Robyn, my heart hurt a little when I read about your dad’s passing. I hope this doesn’t sound like a platitude, but take comfort in the fact that he brought so much love and joy to your family – something that you can cherish and remember always.
      As for ‘Matilda’, we have yet to see it. Hope they release new tickets. Tim Minchin has been an idol for me long before he made it big abroad. Did you hear his speech to the UWA graduates?

      Liked by 1 person

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